FASHION RED FLAGS
Don’t tell me what to do but also… help me.
I have been on public record saying that with fashion, there are no rules. And I do believe that. There are no overarching rules that everybody should follow. There is no checklist to create the perfect capsule. We don’t all need the same things to have a functional wardrobe.
I have also taken the whimsical approach that you need to find your style by trial and error, by gathering references, by living life. While this is advice that I 100% stand for, I also acknowledge that it’s a little vague and potentially unhelpful.
I have many clients who are super into fashion. They are creative, they have time to shop and look and try things on, and as a result, they have seen their style emerge from just living their life. I have other clients, however, who really just want to be told what to do. Sometimes, when the world is your oyster, it can feel overwhelming, and we need some guardrails and some guidelines to get started.
This is why I came up with the three-word method. It provides useful guardrails if you need them, but the guardrails are set and enforced by you and you alone. There are not three words that apply to everyone’s closet, and I cannot prescribe your three words because they are personal. They can act as your personal mantra, but again, they are not a rule to follow. Again, this can maybe feel ineffective if you just want to be given some do’s and don’ts.
The more we know about ourselves and our preferences, the better we shop and the better we dress. But again... someone else can’t give you this information. This is information that we have to find on our own. For example, a fashion “rule” that I think is silly is that you can’t mix navy and black or brown and black. Clearly, that is not a rule that everyone should follow. However, if you are someone who loves a high-contrast look, mixing two dark neutrals might actually not be great for you. So while this isn’t a “rule,” it could act as a guardrail for you personally. Do you see where I’m going with this?
Personally... I love a rule. But I also really hate to be told what to do. I am an Aries, with Virgo rising (if that explains anything?). My husband always jokes that I am punk rock because if anybody (him especially) tells me what to do or how to do something, I can’t handle it and immediately need to question it or do the opposite, which is in such contrast with my love for organization and rules. However, I think this contrast and dichotomy actually come in handy when guiding people toward their style. We can simultaneously be conscious enough to understand what works for us and use that to create some boundaries, but also be fluid enough to change and push those boundaries if we want. I think my anti-rule-following also stems from the fact that I actually want to make my own rules. I want rules, but only when they make sense to me. I want to figure out how something works and why it works and then create a system out of that information. So that is what we are going to do!!!!
A few months ago, I took some time to write out my Shopping Commandments. Emphasis on MY. You can check them out HERE. But beyond this, I also have some personal styling “rules” that I recognize for myself. I don’t necessarily follow them all the time, but I do keep them in mind, especially if something isn’t working. Think of these as FASHION RED FLAGS. We don’t all have the same red flags when it comes to relationships, but we each have our own specific set of deal breakers.
Maybe it’s counterintuitive for me to list mine here because yours won’t be the same, but I think it will at least provide some good examples to get you going. I encourage you to write some of your fashion red flags in the comments. I think it’ll be helpful for us to see each other’s, and it will maybe spark something. Maybe some of your red flags are actually things that I love to do that I didn’t notice! So let’s make this fun and interactive in the comments!
I’m also challenging myself to rewrite this next year and see if they have stayed the same or changed. Because, similar to the three words, these “rules” can change as we change, as trends change, and as our lives change. For example, this might be controversial, but I don’t really care that much about fabric. I know. It’s crazy. Sometimes something will feel like silk, and I will realize it’s some sort of synthetic blend, and I really don’t care. Is that crazy? As long as it fits well and looks nice, I am happy. What about you? Is fabrication one of your red flags?!
Okay, here are my fashion red flags! Some are about the pieces themselves (which is helpful when I am shopping), and some are about styling (helpful when I am putting together a look or trying to figure out why something isn’t working)!!
This has actually changed over the years (and it’s gotten way worse now that I am a mom and my body has changed). I used to be fine wearing specific undergarments for specific tops, but at this point, it isn’t happening. If it is a top that is for a special occasion (meaning I will only wear it for an evening), I can do it. But for an everyday top, I have to be able to wear a supportive bra with two straps. This goes for tops and dresses with tiny straps, low backs, or off-the-shoulder necklines. I love the look of an open back, but by following this “rule,” I have avoided buying things that will just sit sadly in my closet.
This does not apply to sheer pieces, which I love. I am fine having my entire bra showing if it looks intentional. But not just the straps.
This has been especially challenging with tank tops, but I have recently found a few that have worked really well. They show my bra straps a LITTLE in the back, but I wear cute bras, so I am okay with this.
Another note—sometimes pieces that cause “problems” lead to interesting solutions. For example, layering two tanks together or a thicker tank under a thinner one. BUT, in my experience, I want a tank top for ease and casualness, so I want to just be able to put it on and not have to be creative. Sorry.
If a garment has a pre-rolled sleeve or has a tab to keep the sleeve up... I don’t want it. Maybe this goes back to me not wanting to be told what to do because I like to be the captain of the ship. If I want to roll, I will roll. And the tabs/pre-rolled sleeves feel too pushy for me. If you tell me I HAVE to roll... I don’t want to roll!!!!!
This also goes for tops that have a pre-tied bow or tie. I love a pussy bow, but I want to tie it myself. I like the freedom!!!
But again, this is a personal rule for ME. Some of my clients get caught up in the roll or the tie, so I see why this would actually be so appealing for someone else!
I love a wrinkle and an imperfection. I like when clothes feel and look lived in (see below), but that is different than something just looking shitty. If something is on the hanger in a store and it is wrinkled, it tells me that it is a piece that easily gets wrinkled. Can you picture what I mean? Sometimes, even in really fancy designer stores, there will be a silk piece that just looks... sad. Or linen that you can tell was steamed but just can’t keep it together.
It is like the quote, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” If it starts wrinkled and doesn’t look nice, we can try to steam or iron it, but chances are that it is the way it is.
This is not necessarily the case when you are shopping vintage or thrifting, but I will say, in those cases... if it smells in the store, it is usually hard to get the smell out. I have had SOME success (happy to give you my tips and tricks), but sometimes the juice is not worth the squeeze. For me!
This has ebbed and flowed with the trends, but in general, I have found that when something has a visible logo, I get embarrassed by it (I am Midwestern at the end of the day) or tired of it quickly. I had a Celine tote that had the word “CELINE” in big white letters, and I only wore it backwards (so the writing was facing my body and not visible) and eventually put it in my archive of pieces. I don’t mind a monogram, but I think it is more about the lettering. Maybe I will revisit it later, but for now, it feels flashy. I have had so many clients communicate this—so many bought the Prada loafers and now wish they didn’t say PRADA so big. Again, these things will come and go, but for now, in this moment... I am not buying things with LARGE LOGOS.
That being said, I like a designer monogram. If it is small and subtle. For me, I would not wear the Loewe tank with the monogram (and believe me, I bought it at one point... never wore it), but I would wear the LV Speedy bag with the LV monogram. I wouldn’t wear earrings that say “CHANEL” (remember when all of the Real Housewives had those?!), but I would wear a necklace that had a little CC action if it was not the focal point.
This changes, but as of now, I like my jeans either LONG (touching the ground or skimming) or intentionally cropped. I do not like the way that I look or feel when my jeans show my ankle or sock when I am seated. I find myself always pulling my pants down to compensate or trying to blend the bottom of the pant and shoe with a tonal sock, but I am always unhappy when my jeans are too short. There have been a few videos for brands (so I have less of a say in the pieces and tailoring) where the pant length is too short while I am sitting down, and it is all I can focus on. When I get jeans tailored, I will bring flat shoes and a heel (let’s be real, I don’t wear a ton of heels, so they are a sensible kitten) and try the pants on with both. For me, I would rather have them a little too long with the flats than a little too short with the heels.
I have a little more leeway for linen and cotton pants (especially when worn with sandals).
This is similar to the pre-rolled sleeves. I want to have the freedom to wear the slip or not. I do not like when a garment has a slip or a layer that I cannot remove. Some people really like this (it makes life easier!), but I will remind you that I do not like to be told what to do. I would rather find my own slip or wear it sheer!
This is an example of something that I love on other people but will be a “no-go” for myself. For some reason, patch pockets in the front do something weird to the proportion of my hips. I have tried a lot and have tried to make it work, but this is a personal filter. Patch pockets = no.
This is more about styling, but it is something that I have talked about a lot and realized that when I don’t take my own advice... I feel lame. When I have a statement piece or something interesting, like a colorful accessory or a printed top, I have to add another point of interest to make the look feel like me. I cannot wear all black with a red shoe or a printed jacket without something else that has an interesting print or texture to balance it.
Here are some examples that work/don’t (FOR ME!) and why!
This is also a personal styling “rule”. I touched on this with my MK&A breakdown but I think that for me, I need something to either be vintage or feel vintage in every single look. I can not have everything be perfect or new or totally fresh looking. I want some patina and wear with at least one item. I also think there is a part of me that really desires to be unique. So I also want to have something that is vintage because I don’t want everything that I am wearing to be shoppable. I usually add this element with my jewelry, bag, or outwear. Recently, I have been relying a lot on my vintage Levi’s (more on that HERE) so that adds an automatic vintage element that has been working really well.
What do you love to buy but never wear?
What are you consistently editing out of your wardrobe?
If you are having a hard time, check out THIS newsletter from July 1st. It is a dissection of the “NO’S” and what you often edit. This might help you focus in on the specifics of what hasn’t been working in your wardrobe. It is a good place to start. By focusing on what historically doesn’t work, we can potentially uncover some trends.
Create a folder of DO/DON’T
I had a client do this once and it was sort of genius. She was trying to show me how different her body looked in different silhouettes (so I could help her understand WHY) and she created a folder of photos of herself in looks that she liked and one where she didn’t. By focusing on the folder of “bad” looks, we were able to figure out some patterns and create some “rules”
What makes you irrationally angry?
Seriously, this is a good way to check in and see what “triggers” you sartorially. Some people get really weirdly mad when someone does not have the vent of their jacket cut in the back (personally, couldn’t care less and have probably forgot to cut it myself sometimes) maybe this tells you there are certain details that bug you. Some people really don’t like mixed metals (I have a client who will NOT budge on the idea that her hardware on her bag must match her jewelry)—maybe that is a fashion red flag. Some people really don’t like when their socks or ankles show when they sit down (me!), so I always keep my pants on the longer side.
What silhouettes feel uncomfortable?
What am I wearing when I do not feel like myself?
Also, if you’re wondering why you’re getting a second newsletter this month say thank you to Walmart. When I get partnership proposals, I always look through the offerings before accepting. And I’m not just saying this, but I was kind of amazed at all the great things I found. Again, not just saying this to suck up, but I was meant to put three items and there were so many cute things I added a bunch more. I didn’t realize there was a Devil Wears Prada collection and also a lot of the Home stuff was really great especially for summer and summer entertaining. And as you know, I’ve been really into entertaining lately! #walmartpartner
LET YOUR FLAGS FLY IN THE COMMENTS! Remember, this is all just information. These are tools for your styling took kit. Nothing is ever set in stone. Rules can be broken, flags can be un-waved! But for now, in this exact moment, maybe these will be helpful and allow you to get to know yourself and your style in a new way!
Now that i am looking- i actually do love example 1.1 and would wear it as is. It’s SO hard to create examples of looks i don’t like- that was the hardest part of this newsletter. It’s like i can’t let myself add something that feels “wrong” to me. But i think you see what i am illustrating with the examples!
Any item of clothing that is itchy, scratchy, or uncomfortable in any way. I don't care how cute it is, I can't keep it in my closet.