BREAKING NEWS
My three words have changed!!!
I have a confession to make. I have never actually done the THREE WORD METHOD.
Sure, I have picked three words to describe my style, but I did so HERE in 2018 and was just sort of testing out the idea. This was WAY before TikTok, WAY before my book, and WAY before I really refined the process. So while I was telling my clients and readers and followers to get really deep and insightful and specific with their words, I was working with three words that I just chose on instinct—CLASSIC, 70’S, ELEGANT. How many interviews and podcasts and speaking events have I been to where I have been asked my three words and rattled them off? SO many. And to be honest, I do think that, without doing the entire method, the three words I chose do (or did) make sense for my style, which is how I came up with the method in the first place. I sort of reverse-engineered it based off the words that I chose. They really did feel so right that I wanted to figure out a way to replicate that recipe for others.
The methodology really started to come together as I was writing my book in 2021. Something that is so fun about writing a book is that you have to really think through all the details and anticipate any questions. As someone who posted a little on social media at that time and worked one-on-one with clients, I was used to answering questions or clarifying ideas. If I said something that needed more context, someone could ask. With a book, it all has to be there. So when I was working on the DEFINING YOUR STYLE portion of my proposal, I really had to drill down on how you find your words. In theory, you can just pick three that resonate (like I did), but as I explored in last month’s newsletter, fashion can feel so subjective and so overwhelming that it can feel nice to have some “rules” or guidelines. So here is what I came up with:
For me, this word was CLASSIC. And I think that does resonate. Interestingly, I thought that this word no longer defined my style, but I did have a bit of a reckoning (more on that below). I have also told clients that CLASSIC is a cop-out word and that we can try to be more descriptive. But... do as I say, not as I do, I guess!
Anyway, we find this word by pulling out our “regulars”—what we wear the very most in our wardrobes. I didn’t physically do this when choosing the word CLASSIC, but I think it is true. The bulk of what I wore was jeans, T-shirts, denim shirts, blazers, trench coats, and crewneck cashmere sweaters... all really classic silhouettes. No funky details, no exaggerated proportions, no extra fanfare. Just classic versions of classic pieces.
This is the word that identifies what you are reaching for (metaphorically). What is your North Star? If the first word is your sun sign, this is your rising. It is where you are headed—or hope to be headed. To find this word, you look at the things that you save, pin, and covet. I also find that, if you want to understand your second word, it is worth looking at your HOWS, aka the things you have in your wardrobe that you love but don’t know how to style. The reason being, these are the things that you want to be wearing. These are the things that you are buying but maybe don’t yet have the confidence to wear.
For me, this word was 70’s. And I think this still resonates (again, more on that below). I think I have always liked a ‘70s vibe, but the references have changed. In high school, I loved Mary Kate Olsen in her messy looks and Sienna Miller’s “boho chic.” In my 20s, I was referencing Kate Moss, who was referencing Anita Pallenberg, which was a little more undone and rock and roll. I then dabbled with a bit of witchiness—a little Stevie Nicks (I loved Pamela Des Barres’ book I’m with the Band). I then began my obsession with ‘70s YSL, which was a little more sleek (I was obsessed with the book The Beautiful Fall), which sometimes transitioned into a Cher disco vibe. In the past few years, it has been a bit more of a minimal ‘70s reference. A little more earth than air (if that makes sense). Elsa Peretti. Desert Aunt. All ‘70s references for the past 20 years, but all different curations and interpretations.
How do I want to feel? The answer for the past 8 years was ELEGANT. Living in New York and constantly moving, running, and working, I felt like there was a desire to look pulled together because I didn’t quite feel anywhere close to that. I liked the idea of polishing up my looks a little. I wanted a little undone rock and roll/boho, but also... I wanted to look rich, expensive, chic. A little messy, but in a way that read intentional and fancy. My life was all about working, seeing clients, being on set, going out with friends, and going on dates. I had a lot of opportunities to dress up and took advantage of them. I think, in theory, this is the word that has changed the most.
Okay, so what about now? It has been almost 10 years since I came up with those words, and I have gotten married, moved across the country, started my own business, and had a baby. The beauty of fashion and personal style is that it evolves. It is a reflection of who we are at the moment, so as we grow and change, ideally, so does our style. What is ironic, though, is that I don’t love change. So maybe that is part of why I have refused to do this exercise for myself? It feels hard for me to confront the parts of me that have changed, even though I am proud of the person I have become.
And I have changed A LOT. I have gone through so many personal transitions in these past few years, which I think have both affected my style but also have been the effect of my style evolution. Clothes have the power to influence how we feel about ourselves, and I think in the past few years I have often used my wardrobe to usher in change. It is sort of a “chicken or the egg” situation. I find that the way that I have been feeling has changed the way that I have been dressing, but the way I have been dressing has also changed the way I have been feeling.
My move from New York to LA was a big one. I told myself I would be fine being the outcast in sleek silhouettes and tailored pieces. But the more I spent time here, the more my shoulders began to drop. I began to let the slower pace of California reflect in my style. And please note, this is not an overnight thing. I did not replace all my blazers with kimonos and trade my ballet flats for moccasins. But ever so slowly, I began to desire a softer style and a softer way of life.
The cool thing about New York is that you can do a ton of things in one day. LA does not allow that convenience. It really forces you to slow down and be intentional with your time. You can’t swing by anywhere... it is all very deliberate here. Unlike NY, where you dress for an entire day, LA allows you to be a little more specific. (This is not a meditation on NY vs. LA style... but if you are looking for that, I wrote about it HERE.)
So what does that mean for my personal style? I think it has allowed me to be both MORE and LESS practical. I don’t have to think of function quite as much, and I don’t have to worry as much about consciously adding the elegance. I find that here, I can change my outfit and touch up my makeup before going most places, so I feel more put-together with fewer calculations. I am also home way more, which forces a bit more of a practical element. I am working from home, I am driving, I am not being asked to walk and move and be consumed and perceived quite as much. Getting dressed every day is a practice that I am now the enforcer of. Since I really have nowhere to be, I have so many more options but also more limitations. I want to be comfortable, I want to be able to play with my kid, but I also want to feel cool enough that if I went to the grocery store or dry cleaner, someone would think, “Oh, that’s a girl that likes fashion.”
Getting dressed creates a ripple effect, which helps us express our identities. Through defining and refining our style, we are often forced to face our limiting beliefs about ourselves and the way others perceive us. Part of the AB CLOSET CLEAN OUT is about holding up a mirror to these beliefs. In my book, I ask readers to literally write down the things that our critical inner voices might say and then rip them, burn them, banish them in an attempt to make friends with our closet and cleanse the space.
So on my journey of redefining my style, I did just that. And since I put myself out there for public consumption and criticism, not only do I have inner voices, I also have actual commenters who sometimes (and hopefully, well-meaningly) will confirm the very things that I am insecure about (how lucky am I!). I will not put them here, but just know this... When I was writing my book, I was initially sort of hesitant to include this because I wasn’t sure if it felt too woo-woo. But in doing it myself, I can confirm that it really helps to confront these limiting beliefs before asking yourself to hold up a mirror to yourself and your choices.
One small example—I hold a lot of judgment for myself for over shopping and being wasteful, and I found this to be helpful in letting go of that before diving into my closet. I was able to pull out my “regulars” and, instead of being confronted by all of the things that I hardly wear, I was able to be a lot more neutral. I was able to frame this more as “information” as opposed to judgment. So, that is just a small aside.
So, should I shut up and take you through my 2026 Three Word journey?! Okay, I will, but I want to say one more thing, actually! Please note that this is not necessarily an exercise that I am doing in one day, in one sitting. I have been marinating on this for... years? Our style is not something that is prescriptive in any way, shape, or form. And it is personal. So if it feels helpful to be really nerdy about it and take notes and make folders... you should (me!).
If it feels better to just pick three words that resonate... you should. What we are doing here is essentially trying to put words to something that is really, really hard (impossible?) to describe. And that is kind of the point. Fashion and style are really, really hard to put your finger on. Many of us have a hard time describing what we like, but we know it when we see it. But for those of us who might not have the language, references, or understanding of fashion, it can be helpful to at least attempt to make sense of it.
I really honest-to-God did this exercise, and I pulled out what I wear the most. And it was illuminating. Because I think I am so much more fun than I am. When it comes down to it... CLASSIC is not super far off from what I am seeing.
Just a note—a lot of my pieces are older or vintage so I tried my best to find similar things that give the same energy! I contemplated taking photos of the vintage pieces but I think this is more fun!
In looking at all of these things on a rack / here, I had to face the idea that I am not that groovy, funky girl most of the time. In fact, I am actually quite minimal and simple. However, as opposed to a few years ago, when I was relying on straight-leg jeans, menswear-inspired blazers, boxy cotton T-shirts, and simple knits, the proportions that I am grabbing have become a lot more exaggerated and specific. I like a long, slouchy short in a soft linen or a mini track short in a luxe silk fabrication. I live in my drop Phoebe Philo jeans and fitted ribbed tanks. While I used to love my base pieces to be a lot simpler, I am now reaching for simple pieces in slightly more interesting textures, fabrications, and shapes. Sure, it is a black long-sleeve T-shirt, but it is either really boxy with wide sleeves or really fitted and refined. My T-shirt preference has moved away from the thick and boxy toward the ribbed and fitted or the sheer and drapey.
Which makes sense for a few reasons: 1) My body has changed post-baby. 2) The silhouettes I have been wearing on the bottom have changed, so the T-shirt silhouette had to change in order to create the desired contrast. When I went for straight/bootcut jeans, the boxier T-shirts felt like they added some contrast. Now, I have gone either super wide or slouchy on the bottom, which I prefer to balance with a more fitted tank or tee, or I have gone for really mini, slinky, sexy shorts and skirts that I like to pair with T-shirts that feel more drapey, soft, and vintage. I still wear my boxier T-shirts, but I have found that I reach for them less. Sometimes they feel a little “neither here nor there,” and I want something that feels more committal—either tight or baggy. For now.
I kind of thought I would look at everything together and see more of a boho, flowy picture, but I really don’t. I would describe what I am seeing as:
SIMPLE
While I am a little less classic than I was before, the pieces are still simple.
MINIMAL
The silhouettes have a little sauce to them, but there is not much in terms of print, pattern, or details. There is still a restraint.
NEUTRAL
Even my more fun pieces are neutral versions. I like the fun Phoebe Philo jeans, but I like them in the stark white color. I like a funky earring, scarf, or brooch, but in black or white. I love vintage jackets, slips, shorts, and skirts, but they are neutral versions. For example, I wear my vintage embroidered cropped jacket a lot (and another one that is vintage Armani that I can’t find a photo of), but the jacket itself is black, and the embroidery is really, really neutral.
SOFT / DRAPEY / FLOWY
Softer textures and silhouettes. Where I used to go more tailored and sharp, there is more of a drape.
EXAGGERATED
Not the most obvious one, but I think what works for me is when the idea is simple and minimal, but the shape is exaggerated. Or I put it together in a way that creates some exaggerated contrast.
I think when I really think about it, though, a hallmark of my look is really the neutral palette. Sure, I have some colorful pieces (a yellow Pucci dress, a marigold Colleen Allen cape, a chartreuse velvet jacket, and some Dries Van Noten pants). I can count those items on one hand. These are more of the EMOTIONAL OVERRIDES. Pieces that gave me the FULL BODY YES and that felt so special that I had to have them. And in terms of styling, they are used more as a pop with a neutral base.
So... NEUTRAL it is!
I also think this is actually a helpful reminder for me. When I look at my NO pile (things I have edited), it is oftentimes when I have tried to buy things that my favorite influencers have worn but don’t suit me. For example, pink Auralee jeans or a red silk Bode printed blouse.
As someone who is ALWAYS collecting references and screenshotting, it was actually kind of fun to make a folder of the things that really resonate. I wanted to look at each image and say, “That is who I want to be.” Which is, weirdly, kind of a wide spectrum?! The good news is that my mood board is not far off from my wardrobe.
When working with clients, I always try to identify that with them... is there a big disconnect between what you are wearing and what you desire to wear?! Or is it more about styling? I would say 8/10 times, a client’s mood board/Pinterest will actually be super representative of what they have in their closet, but the X factor is the styling. They have the pieces, but there is a disconnect in the way they are putting them together. I will often advise them to pick their favorite image, and we will “shop the closet” to try to create something similar. Not a copy/paste, but just a way to look at your wardrobe with fresh eyes.
I think I would actually give myself the same prescription. I have a version of basically everything on my mood board, and I think it is just about putting it together in a slightly bolder or more intentional way. That being said, I do practice what I preach and will often look to my reference images for guidance, so I don’t feel like I am super far off.
So in looking at all of this, what am I seeing? What words might I use to describe this collection?
70’s
It actually feels like an amalgamation of all the parts of the decade I have ever loved. A little boho, a little rock and roll, even a small splash of ‘70s Victorian Revival.
MAXIMALIST
Kind of?! I think it is about the way things are styled. I think this is why, when I pulled out my regulars, I was shocked at how minimal they were... because I think I layer and accessorize in a more maximalist way. I wear a minimum of six rings, two bracelets, and at least one necklace in every look. In looking at these references, it becomes so clear that it is not about the pieces, it is about the way they are styled.
TEXTURED
Similarly, the interest feels like it is coming from the textures. I am clearly attracted to fur and shearling and leather and embroidery and lace. I want something simple and minimal, but then I want it to feel a little more special, interesting, and unique through texture.
VINTAGE
I think this also works instead of 70’s. I like the idea of wearing things that feel retro and worn and from a different era. I think the fact that most of the references are from the ‘70s points me more in that direction, but I do think it is worth noting that even the modern images feel like they could be vintage.
I mean, obviously we are sticking with 70’s as my word. It just can’t be anything else. But it is interesting to look at the references and figure out what the ‘70s touch is doing. I think it is adding a bit of boldness and a bit of patina. I want to use the ‘70s flair to feel unique and singular. Like I said in my past post, I don’t want everything that I wear to feel shoppable. I want some things to feel a little unattainable and special.
I feel like now that I am older and more confident, I am less concerned about being perceived as elegant or fancy. I am fine being a little more undone, boho, messy. But I think (again, because I am older!) I honestly want to feel cool. I want to feel modern. I want people to see me and think, “She has a POV, but she also knows what is going on.” I don’t want to be one of those old ladies who has, like, an ‘80s hairstyle because that was the last trend they participated in. I want to look like I am unique, but also like I am culturally aware. I don’t want to look SO minimal that there is nothing going on, and I don’t want to look so ‘70s or vintage that I look like I am wearing a costume. I don’t want to look “trendy,” but I do want to look MODERN and current.
And I think the difference is this—I don’t want anything that I am wearing to be recognizable by brand (of course all of us here can recognize a Phoebe Philo flat or a Savette bag, but I am talking more about the general public). I want to look approachable, but I also want to look like someone you would approach to ask where they got their necklace or what they think of Michael Ryder’s Celine collection, ya know?
I also think the word MODERN captures the exaggerated silhouettes that I explored in my first word. I like the idea that the volume is cranked up just a little on the shapes of everything. I feel that MODERN expresses that!
I also think that even though a lot of my jewelry is vintage, the way that I mix and pile it feels modern and funky (I hope). So while the pieces themselves are vintage, I style them in a way that feels more modern and current.
So… NEUTRAL, 70’s, MODERN.
I am going to go above and beyond here. And I will give this disclaimer... not all looks feel like they have all three words. This is not a rule or a prescription. It is just meant to be a helpful guide (I have said that so many times at this point). But, for the sake of examples... I wanted to put together a few looks and explain how I used my words to style them in a way that feels genuine to me!!!
Just a note about the NEUTRAL word. I was thinking... when I wore my yellow Pucci dress, I styled it with chunky black shoes and black earrings—I felt the need to ground it a little with neutrals and make it feel modern. And when I wear my bright Colleen Allen coats, I always do so with a neutral base of jeans and a T-shirt or white pants and a white tee! The “colorful” piece is then bringing more of the ‘70s flair. So it is not really about having color in my wardrobe... it is about how the color is used and styled.
Okay, so what do you think? The coolest thing is that it actually doesn’t really matter what you think (although I do want to know!) because these words are meant to help me. They really only have to make sense to me, and the minute they stop being helpful, I can change them!!!
I know this was a more indulgent post than usual, but as someone who named their newsletter The Allison Bornstein Newsletter, you have to expect that Allison Bornstein is going to sometimes be the topic!!!
Things I Have Been GIFTED That I LOVE! (And My INFLUENCER CODE OF CONDUCT):
A really, really hard thing about being an influencer is that you get so many packages. POOR US! JK! It is so fun, and every time I get to open something, I feel like the luckiest person in the world. When someone offers me a gift, I literally think, “Omg, I’m famous?”
Typically, I get offered to pick a product from a brand AFTER I have worn a piece from the brand, posted about the brand, or already included the brand in my Substack. It is sort of a “thank you for your support” type of vibe. If a brand offers me something and I HAVE to post it, I don’t accept. Especially if it is a brand I have never worn. And I typically don’t accept gifts from brands that I have not already spent my very own money on. That is kind of part of my influencer ethos.
I take my page seriously, and I would be mortified if I told someone to get something that is actually shitty or ugly or something I would never actually buy. Because that feels unfair and tricky.
So, that being said, here are some gifts that were sent to me FOR FREE but that I would and will spend money on. If this is fun, I can do it every month. I think it is nice to know what is gifted.
(01) SLEEPER ROBE
Even if this wasn’t free, I would buy it. I actually didn’t know it existed until they sent me the lookbook, but I LOVE it. I am a robe person (I spend most of my time in a robe. I didn’t own sweatpants until I got pregnant, so my robe was like my house uniform), and a linen robe is something I have weirdly never owned.
(02) SOFIE PAVITT MICRODEM TREATMENT
I have an auto-subscription for the SP Makeup Remover Pads and am obsessed with the SP Toner Pods (should actually do auto-ship on those too), so I am a fan of the brand. I just got this and have only used it twice, but I love it. I have sensitive skin and sometimes get freaked out by too much abrasion or exfoliation, but this has been good so far.
(03) OSEA ANTI AGING BODY BALM
I have listened to podcasts, so I know about Osea, and I have had their body oil in the past, which I liked a lot. I am now a devotee of this body balm. It smells good, it has that balmy, hydrating oiliness that I like, but it dries really nicely and does not feel greasy (when you first apply it, it sort of seems greasy, but it dries, and it is perfect). It ain’t cheap, but it also isn’t one of those creams that you use up in, like, two weeks. A dab will do ya.
(04) SUSANNE KAUFMANN DAY CREAM
I posted my “empties” on IG last week, and I had this body butter that I used to the very last drop. But I wanted to shout out this day cream, which I have been using every morning (not empty yet, but will be). I use a really rich cream at night and was just using that during the day too, but it’s so hot this summer that I felt like I needed something lighter, and this is great. It does have a scent, which I really like, but if you don’t like scents, skip it. It is almost lavender-ish?
(05) YOE CREAM LIGHT
Before I got the Susanne Kaufmann, I was using this one. And I actually love it too. If I hadn’t gotten gifted the SK one, I would have repurchased it, and I still probably will. It also has amazing packaging!!!! I actually want to try more from this brand because I did love it, and it wasn’t scented. And there are more products I am intrigued by!!!
I mean, anything Rosie makes is chic. And this brand is one that I would 100% buy from and also buy as a gift. Because there was nothing more glamorous than opening this and having monogrammed things specially made for me. I really think this is the best gift—stationery is such a chic thing to get someone too! They also sent me the leather luggage tag, which is one of those things that is so special and fancy that it makes me feel like I have my shit together.
(07 & 08) LITERARY SPORT CARDIGAN AND LEGGINGS
This is an example of a brand I have recommended SO many times that they were probably like, “Okay, we will throw you a bone and give you something.” I have included it in my newsletter and also recommend it when a client wants good-quality, chic athletic wear. My friend Evanne came to visit, and she went to Pilates wearing the leggings and the cardigan, and omg. I have never wanted to work out more than after seeing that look. So excited to be able to recreate it!
(09) SARAH CREAL BRONZING CREAM
I got given a few products, and they are all great, but the bronzing cream is the best by far. I actually use this as eyeshadow. I use the small end of my SAIE brush (Saie brushes are also my favorite), and I just put it on my lids. I am obsessed. I feel like I am pretty loyal to Victoria Beckham and Westman Atelier for my makeup, but this will be something I will repurchase (and will have to soon because I can already see the pan, which is crazy because I have only had it for a few months!).
Love the thought process here and how you walked through each step. I’m 56 and have always had a strong sense of my own style and although I haven’t done the three word process I’d say I’m classic, casual and chic. I try to stay current with the trends, although only those I actually like and I’m definitely not trendy. I mostly try to make sure my denim and my shoes are on trend, as I feel like those have the biggest impact on if an outfit feels “current”. Lately I’ve been feeling a little uninspired and would like to shift my style, so I’m going to try to be more mindful about new acquisitions for my wardrobe and open my mind to new options. What you said about wanting your style to stay true to you but also relevant as you age really hit home for me as I’m now technically middle age. I think middle age to older women that have one cool or unexpected element to their outfit look much more fashionably and interesting, and my mostly classic style is starting to feel a bit uninspired and boring to me!
This was a great read. You are a good writer. Makes me want to go through my closet again with my words in mind and edit again. Thanks!