I delivered at 30 weeks due to a placental abruption. I also felt lost, sad, robbed, scared and simultaneously grateful to the nurses and care team who literally taught me how to care for a baby. I got 59 days to physically recover, prep the house, and get ready to bring my baby home, but also had 59 days of longing for more time with her and feeling “other” compared to my friends. I’m so glad to hear you have a therapist to talk to and tools to manage your mental health, but also know it’s ok to not feel ok. Sending you and baby Jack so much love 💕
Oh Allison, how lucky your little peanut is to have such loving parents! I have birth at 33 weeks and although my son was a 5lb5 oz bruiser, he had to stay in the nic unit for a week to gain weight and treat bilirubin. I remember the first time I went back to the hospital to see him my knees buckled and I almost collapsed in the parking lot. It is difficult to be separated from your babe. My heart goes out to you. My
baby boy just turned 50 in March and has a daughter going off to college and another daughter in high school. Your little man will grow and thrive with your care and tenderness. You have so many of your community sending you and your little family love. Take it one day at a time. And don't be afraid yo share. We all love and support you, Momma! Much love❤️❤️
Allison, thank you for sharing, and please don’t stop! No one EVER talks about dressing yourself post-partum, and imo, it is so much more difficult than dressing yourself during pregnancy. As you mention, you’re almost mourning the loss of your body (once again) in yet another bodily change. And that can be a really difficult mental hurdle.
Hi, I just sent you a DM - I had a very similar experience. We had a premie around the same weight who spent time in the Cedars NICU. I just wanted to say I really relate to everything you shared. Thank you for your vulnerability. I'm here if you want to talk or if I can be helpful in any way.
Thinking of you & sending congratulations! Our now 9 month old was also premature at 32 weeks. The time in the NICU feels long, weird, and surreal but is so soon forgotten once that little peanut is home with you in their own room. Similar to you, I loved hearing others stories when pregnant because it was so amazing how strong women are, and how we all have had differing experiences even when similar.
I loved this post because it is so real- our wardrobe gives us this sense of normalcy in the midst of change.
thank you for sharing this and congratulations on baby jack! im so glad he's doing well in the NICU and gaining weight.
i can relate to what you shared... i also had a scary birth experience with 2nd child (though in a very different way), and i struggled with severe insomnia in the months after. lexapro saved me! im glad you found the help you need.
all the best to you and jack. he's so lucky to have you as a mom!
So glad your baby boy is safe! My niece delivered very, very early for the same reasons. Sweet Elena spent a month in the NICU, but she is now 5 years old and strong and beautiful. It was devastating for my niece and her husband, but medical care these days can do so much. Congratulations and best wishes to you all!!
Wow…I was so touched by your story. I turned 60 recently but when I was 34 years old and pregnant with my 3rd I had placenta previa at 30 weeks. I have 8 weeks of complete bed rest with 2 small kids at home. I think it’s so important as women that we share our stories and offer our support. Happy to hear you are doing well as is your baby.
Hi, my baby also had fetal growth restriction and was born via emergency c-section at 34 weeks and 2.5lbs. He crashed suddenly after months of frequent scans and would have died if I hadn’t gone to the hospital late one night after he stopped moving. He was in the NICU for 46 days. Those daily trips to the hospital were all consuming and from the second I checked into the emergency room to the day he came home I was in problem-solving mode and unnaturally high-performing but it was a taxing experience like no other. Probably haven’t fully processed it. We found out later that there was a rare condition that was contained to the placenta. He is now 8mo (6.5mo adjusted) and he’s still in the -1% for growth but he is happy, healthy, on track with milestones, and very bonded with me and dad. If you ever want to talk tiny babies and traumatic births, I’m here.
Just to mention, a product called Snuza Hero gave me a ton of peace of mind when we brought him home. You get so used to the monitors and alarms letting you know your babe is ok and then at home there’s nothing. This is a wireless, no WiFi device (unlike the owlet which is fine but a lot to obsess over) that clips to his diaper. It vibrates and alarms if baby stops breathing for a few seconds. This device and a bedside bassinet with a video monitor helped me fall asleep and not stare at him constantly when he came home.
Sending LOVE! So hard to be vulnerable, especially in the thick of it. What a rapid transition into a whole new life, with a sort of surreal purgatory at the start. So happy you’re all healthy and sending as much love and peace and rest and ease as possible!
Hi Allison, thanks for sharing your story, it was so beautifully articulate. I understand your story well - I gave birth to twin girls at 26 weeks by emergency c section and like you spent a week in hospital. I still think one of - if not the - most heart wrenching moments I’ve had in life so far was having to leave the hospital without them. It really is so surreal and I don’t yet feel like a mum at all and felt that I grew into one over the coming months, once I had more autonomy over actually holding a feeding them. I held one twin after 1 week and the other after a fortnight. The first time I held and fed them together was day 52, and we took them both home (to much jubilation) after 17 weeks. It’s such a unique path and I echo others that have said they felt different from their peers. I hope that by reaching out to your following, you’ve found your own little tribe of like minded parents who deeply understand your journey. I also found a well-used Facebook group for parents of extremely premature babies which was such a blessing of wisdom and like-mindedness. Even though my girls are now 18 and in their last year of school (in Australia), I still use the site to support those earlier in the journey. Parenting isn’t for the faint-hearted! But it’s so rewarding and you learn an unimaginable amount more about yourself and others in the process. I wonder how you’re spending your time in those strange solo early hours of the morning pumping. I read obsessively over those times and the books I read are still so vivid to me even now - they were great escapes at such a visceral time. One item I’d add to your product list above is a lamp! My husband brought our bedside lamp from home which made such a huge difference in producing ambient light and a sense of familiarity. Wishing you and your family all the very best and sending so much love, strength and tenderness.
Allison, congratulations, and thank you for sharing all of this. New motherhood can be so full of big emotions. I had preeclampsia with my first (also a Jack!). It can take time to get to your new normal. Ask for help, be patient with yourself, lean on your therapist. I’ve only met you once when we did a zoom consult, but I’m sending big sisterly love.
My Dear, my goodness I thank you for sharing your story and for all the future moms out there. Just know that your sharing is going to help THOUSANDS of people. What a gift you have given to the world. And what a magnificent husband and Father to your beautiful boy. Thank you.
Thank you for being vulnerable! I also had my baby boy early via emergency c section last year and relate to what you said about the rug being pulled from underneath you. I teared up reading that! I also didn’t enjoy pregnancy, but I grieved it when it was over. Wishing you and your little one health and snuggles and rest as you recover! Glad he is ok 🫶🏻
I delivered at 30 weeks due to a placental abruption. I also felt lost, sad, robbed, scared and simultaneously grateful to the nurses and care team who literally taught me how to care for a baby. I got 59 days to physically recover, prep the house, and get ready to bring my baby home, but also had 59 days of longing for more time with her and feeling “other” compared to my friends. I’m so glad to hear you have a therapist to talk to and tools to manage your mental health, but also know it’s ok to not feel ok. Sending you and baby Jack so much love 💕
Oh Allison, how lucky your little peanut is to have such loving parents! I have birth at 33 weeks and although my son was a 5lb5 oz bruiser, he had to stay in the nic unit for a week to gain weight and treat bilirubin. I remember the first time I went back to the hospital to see him my knees buckled and I almost collapsed in the parking lot. It is difficult to be separated from your babe. My heart goes out to you. My
baby boy just turned 50 in March and has a daughter going off to college and another daughter in high school. Your little man will grow and thrive with your care and tenderness. You have so many of your community sending you and your little family love. Take it one day at a time. And don't be afraid yo share. We all love and support you, Momma! Much love❤️❤️
Allison, thank you for sharing, and please don’t stop! No one EVER talks about dressing yourself post-partum, and imo, it is so much more difficult than dressing yourself during pregnancy. As you mention, you’re almost mourning the loss of your body (once again) in yet another bodily change. And that can be a really difficult mental hurdle.
Wishing you, Jack, and Nathan all the best.
Hi, I just sent you a DM - I had a very similar experience. We had a premie around the same weight who spent time in the Cedars NICU. I just wanted to say I really relate to everything you shared. Thank you for your vulnerability. I'm here if you want to talk or if I can be helpful in any way.
Thinking of you & sending congratulations! Our now 9 month old was also premature at 32 weeks. The time in the NICU feels long, weird, and surreal but is so soon forgotten once that little peanut is home with you in their own room. Similar to you, I loved hearing others stories when pregnant because it was so amazing how strong women are, and how we all have had differing experiences even when similar.
I loved this post because it is so real- our wardrobe gives us this sense of normalcy in the midst of change.
Thank you for being vulnerable.
thank you for sharing this and congratulations on baby jack! im so glad he's doing well in the NICU and gaining weight.
i can relate to what you shared... i also had a scary birth experience with 2nd child (though in a very different way), and i struggled with severe insomnia in the months after. lexapro saved me! im glad you found the help you need.
all the best to you and jack. he's so lucky to have you as a mom!
So glad your baby boy is safe! My niece delivered very, very early for the same reasons. Sweet Elena spent a month in the NICU, but she is now 5 years old and strong and beautiful. It was devastating for my niece and her husband, but medical care these days can do so much. Congratulations and best wishes to you all!!
Wow…I was so touched by your story. I turned 60 recently but when I was 34 years old and pregnant with my 3rd I had placenta previa at 30 weeks. I have 8 weeks of complete bed rest with 2 small kids at home. I think it’s so important as women that we share our stories and offer our support. Happy to hear you are doing well as is your baby.
Hi, my baby also had fetal growth restriction and was born via emergency c-section at 34 weeks and 2.5lbs. He crashed suddenly after months of frequent scans and would have died if I hadn’t gone to the hospital late one night after he stopped moving. He was in the NICU for 46 days. Those daily trips to the hospital were all consuming and from the second I checked into the emergency room to the day he came home I was in problem-solving mode and unnaturally high-performing but it was a taxing experience like no other. Probably haven’t fully processed it. We found out later that there was a rare condition that was contained to the placenta. He is now 8mo (6.5mo adjusted) and he’s still in the -1% for growth but he is happy, healthy, on track with milestones, and very bonded with me and dad. If you ever want to talk tiny babies and traumatic births, I’m here.
Just to mention, a product called Snuza Hero gave me a ton of peace of mind when we brought him home. You get so used to the monitors and alarms letting you know your babe is ok and then at home there’s nothing. This is a wireless, no WiFi device (unlike the owlet which is fine but a lot to obsess over) that clips to his diaper. It vibrates and alarms if baby stops breathing for a few seconds. This device and a bedside bassinet with a video monitor helped me fall asleep and not stare at him constantly when he came home.
Sending LOVE! So hard to be vulnerable, especially in the thick of it. What a rapid transition into a whole new life, with a sort of surreal purgatory at the start. So happy you’re all healthy and sending as much love and peace and rest and ease as possible!
So happy you’re both safe and have good care. Go slow and let this time be yours. We are cheering you on! 💛
Hi Allison, thanks for sharing your story, it was so beautifully articulate. I understand your story well - I gave birth to twin girls at 26 weeks by emergency c section and like you spent a week in hospital. I still think one of - if not the - most heart wrenching moments I’ve had in life so far was having to leave the hospital without them. It really is so surreal and I don’t yet feel like a mum at all and felt that I grew into one over the coming months, once I had more autonomy over actually holding a feeding them. I held one twin after 1 week and the other after a fortnight. The first time I held and fed them together was day 52, and we took them both home (to much jubilation) after 17 weeks. It’s such a unique path and I echo others that have said they felt different from their peers. I hope that by reaching out to your following, you’ve found your own little tribe of like minded parents who deeply understand your journey. I also found a well-used Facebook group for parents of extremely premature babies which was such a blessing of wisdom and like-mindedness. Even though my girls are now 18 and in their last year of school (in Australia), I still use the site to support those earlier in the journey. Parenting isn’t for the faint-hearted! But it’s so rewarding and you learn an unimaginable amount more about yourself and others in the process. I wonder how you’re spending your time in those strange solo early hours of the morning pumping. I read obsessively over those times and the books I read are still so vivid to me even now - they were great escapes at such a visceral time. One item I’d add to your product list above is a lamp! My husband brought our bedside lamp from home which made such a huge difference in producing ambient light and a sense of familiarity. Wishing you and your family all the very best and sending so much love, strength and tenderness.
Allison, congratulations, and thank you for sharing all of this. New motherhood can be so full of big emotions. I had preeclampsia with my first (also a Jack!). It can take time to get to your new normal. Ask for help, be patient with yourself, lean on your therapist. I’ve only met you once when we did a zoom consult, but I’m sending big sisterly love.
Thinking of you! I also gave birth early and the NICU experience is a hard one if you ever want to talk about it. Hope you are all healthy and happy
My Dear, my goodness I thank you for sharing your story and for all the future moms out there. Just know that your sharing is going to help THOUSANDS of people. What a gift you have given to the world. And what a magnificent husband and Father to your beautiful boy. Thank you.
Thank you for being vulnerable! I also had my baby boy early via emergency c section last year and relate to what you said about the rug being pulled from underneath you. I teared up reading that! I also didn’t enjoy pregnancy, but I grieved it when it was over. Wishing you and your little one health and snuggles and rest as you recover! Glad he is ok 🫶🏻